>be me>astronomer_neet.exe>spot weird signal coming from Zeta Reticuli>sounds like dubstep mixed with microwave noises>fast forward 3 weeks>huge chrome ship parks over my backyard>literal tractor beam pulls me up mid-toilet break>mfw pants ar

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Anonymous 05/13/25 (Tue) 14:34:57 No.67

>be me
>astronomer_neet.exe
>spot weird signal coming from Zeta Reticuli
>sounds like dubstep mixed with microwave noises
>fast forward 3 weeks
>huge chrome ship parks over my backyard
>literal tractor beam pulls me up mid-toilet break
>mfw pants around ankles meeting alien council

>they call themselves the Ziggers
>look like buff frogs wearing gold chains and aviators
>constantly blast funky beats while talking telepathically
>offer me "galactic clout" in exchange for Earth memes
>give them a flash drive full of stolen Reddit screenshots
>they lose their minds over the "Skibidi Toilet"

>they appoint me Earth Ambassador to the Zigger Empire
>turns out their entire government runs on vibes and drip
>they give me a jetpack, a grill, and a talking goose named Clorbnax
>Clorbnax is my translator but also keeps trying to sell me crypto

>spend next 2 months touring alien raves on Jupiter moons
>every time someone asks where I'm from I just say "Ohio"
>Ziggers nod solemnly like it's a sacred place
>become known as the "Ohio Prophet"
>come back to Earth wearing full LED cloak and 6 sunglasses
>nobody believes me except a guy at 7/11 who claims he *is* a Zigger

>mfw I might be one too